The "All In" Guy

Category 1:     The too much too fast syndrome.
Category 2:     I love you but I've never met you.
Category 3:     I want to get married and you will do.

All In Guy had a very nice profile.  He didn't seem angry, bitter, holding on to his last relationship...no apparent red flags.  He was educated, had a job and wrote an upbeat little profile.  So when he wrote a note, I responded.  He moved to a phone call that same day.  I always appreciate that because you get a feel for a person so much better over the phone as a general rule. 

The phone call was nice.  Good old Alabama boy.  Loved the South, sports, Alabama football.  A bit of a sports fanatic, but a guys guy.  We talked easily and had a good, funny dynamic off the bat. And then I asked him how many online dates he had so far...

BIG RED FLAG

"You are the first."

The dreaded words...you are the first.  Ugh!  Still, I gave the benefit of the doubt.  He had dated someone since his divorce, just not from meeting online.  I wasn't his first date...that made it okay.  Or so I thought.

The conversation continued.  He talked about wanting to get a place in the water about forty-five minutes from where I live. 

BIG RED FLAG

"Are you committed to Pensacola, or are you willing to move? "

This question can be legitimate, but the first conversation is a bit early for this talk.  How about are you committed to having coffee?  The moving point could be moot after half a cup. I still didn't think that was a huge deal.  Some people like to set their boundaries right off the bat.  Not a deal breaker at this point.  And then...

BIG RED FLAG


"I lost the boat in the divorce," he said. "But I will get another one when I move to the water."

Ok, here's the thing...if you bring up what you "lost in the divorce" in the first conversation with a girl...it sends so many wrong messages.  First, you are bitter.  I understand the feeling, but if you are not past it enough not to feel compelled to share it with a total stranger, maybe not ready to date.  Second, you are still angry.  Once again, not ready to date. 

Conversation continued.  He said he had been online for about two weeks.  He had looked at profile after profile and decided that mine was the one he liked.  Now that is flattering.  Who wouldn't enjoy that statement?  Right?  And then, he said,  "Now that we have talked, and we get along, I want to meet you.  I am a one-at-a-time kind of guy and I'm not looking at anyone else's profile."

Okay, that is a bit much. I decided he was just an inexperienced online dater.  Who commits to someone after one phone conversation?   To be honest, I thought he was joking. He wanted to meet as soon as possible.  That weekend, I had a full schedule.  He kept trying to talk me into squeezing him in or inviting him to things I had planned.  One thing I don't do is invite a total stranger to events with my friends.  It's just odd.  And pressure.

I decided I could meet him for a drink early that Friday before dinner with friends.  We had talked earlier in the day, and he called on the way.  He kept talking about wanting to kiss me.  Once again, a little much sight unseen.  I chalked it up to inexperience again.  I got to the bar first...told him where I was sitting and that I was wearing a green dress.  And nothing.  He was five minutes out.  Five minutes later, nothing.  Then 10 minutes.  Nothing.  I looked at my phone and he had called, but I didn't hear it.  So I called.  No answer.  I called again.  No answer. 

Okay.  The mind reels at this point.  Did he see me and run the other direction?  Did I miss him coming in?  Did he get the wrong place?  And back to did he see me and flee?  Finally he called back.  He said that he went in the bar and I wasn't there.  I described where I was sitting and he said there was no one there.  At this point I do not believe anything he says.  He said he asked the bartender if there was a girl in a green dress and she said there wasn't.  I could not have missed all that.  So I don't believe him. 

By this time I am back home, and he says, "Well, you will just have to meet me at my kids' baseball practice and we can make out there."

Seriously.  He said that.  And baseball was 45 minutes from my house.  And I don't know this guy.  And I don't trust him at all.  Not going to happen.  I still can't figure out how the bar thing went wrong.  He asks me to send a pic of the green dress so that I prove I was there.  I did.

"You are beautiful," he said. Yeah right.

"I don't know what to say to that," I said. 

"Say forever," he responded. 

Yeah right.  He's either got a flare for the dramatic, or he is waaaaay too much too fast. 

And then he continued to try to talk me into meeting him.  Nope. 

He wanted to try for Sunday.  I said we'll see. 

Friday night I was at dinner with a few friends and I got a text from him. "How's the date going:?"

"What?'

"Yeah right," he says. 

That was beyond it for me.  I told him I had plans.  He assumed it was a date.  Frankly, if it was a date (it wasn't) I was entitled.  I had never met this guy.  Holy Cow!

I decided that was that.  He texted the next day, and I said I didn't think I wanted to meet.  He was not happy, but I didn't hear from him the rest of the weekend.  Several days later, I got a text.  He "accidentally" wrote to me thinking it was his brother.  Okay.  Then he launched into this: One minute we were talking about forever, and the next you were breaking my heart. 

I tried to explain that I was never talking about forever.  And then:

"You are either all in or you are all out," he said. "Which is it?"

"All out." This came as a surprise to him.  Almost nothing surprises me anymore...but this guy did.

##