Fetish Guy, AKA Panty Hose Guy

Category 1:   Just plain weird. 
Category 2:   I love you, but I've never met you.
Category 3:   Those who are so busy telling you how great they are that they don't notice how great you are.
Category 4:   Too much, too fast.

I still have trouble with this one, and I have had at least a couple of years to process it.  I think that in general, a guy who has to tell you how great he is probably isn't.  It's kind of like people who tell you how Christian they are.  Actions speak louder, right? 

Fetish Guy was from Ohio, if I remember correctly.  This was one of those learning experiences.  I learned that if someone lives that far away, no thanks.  I learned that if someone has to toot his own horn, it's probably because no one else is tooting it.  I learned that if someone sets expectations on you before you've even met, run far, far away. 

BIG RED FLAG
The first phone call consisted of his long dissertation on what a great date he can plan.  He flew one girl to Disney World (she had no kids by the way, he just loved theme parks).  He would fly you, wine you and dine you.  Even at this earlier stage of my dating experience, I thought this guy had a "too much too fast" issue.  I really don't want to meet someone for the first time when he has paid for a flight, a hotel room, and a theme park visit.  That is waaaaaay too much pressure and his lofty expectations feel validated by his extravagant spending.

He also wanted details on my divorce.  That is not a first conversation conversation.  I gave him a very fluffy, benign, no-details kind of story.  He wasn't totally satisfied, but too bad.  I hate it when people pressure you to talk about personal things.  That is an evolution, not an expectation.

BIG RED FLAG
At that point he launched in to questions.  Do you like to call and text? I like to know the person I'm with is thinking of me, he said.  I like little notes and texts throughout the day, he said.  Okay, I thought.  That's fine.  Who doesn't like to be thought of, right?

A little more conversation, nothing too unusual.  And then...

BIG RED FLAG

Do you wear pantyhose?

What?

Do you wear pantyhose.  I love women who wear pantyhose.

Uh, well, I live in Florida, and it's, you know, 100 degrees half the time, so not really. 

Would you if I wanted you to? Wouldn't you do that for someone who cared about you?

I don't even own a pair, and I detest it.  (And I'm thinking, you don't know me well enough to care about me.)

But wouldn't you want to make your man happy?

Now let me interject here.  "Your man?"  This is still the first conversation.  "Your man?"  Seriously. 

He went on.

Wouldn't you do something for your man even if you didn't really like it...just to make him happy?

Well, yes, but why would you ask me to do that if you knew I hated it? And I would never ask someone to do something they hated.

Because you have to be willing to give in a relationship...

On and on he went.  And once again, I ask, "a relationship?"  Too much too fast.



The next week he started to call on a pretty regular basis and send little texts throughout the day.  I'm not sure what he did for a living, but he drove a lot during the day and would call between stops.  I answered when I could, but I spend a good bit of the day on the phone at work and many times I couldn't.  He would leave little messages...just thinking about you, etc.  It was easier to respond to his texts, but even those got to be so frequent that I didn't always answer each one.  As the week passed, he started to get annoyed when I didn't answer immediately.  He left messages that became more and more snide. 

Guess you are busy, call me back.

Too busy for me?

What are you doing?

Miss me?

I guess you can't make time for me in your busy day.




Again, seriously?

Finally, after a little more than a week, I sent him a text after one of his many texts that day and I said the following:

I really think this is a little bit too much.  We are not in a relationship, and I think you are expecting too much too fast.  I don't think this is going to work out.

His response:

Well, no wonder you husband left you.



And that was that.  no wonder he was single.



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